I’m trying to get my bearings following a week “away” in my city for work. All the plans were there for me to rest and read during downtime but I am a relationship builder and couldn’t make the time I needed for me.
Unfortunately, that started to spiral into something that MOMFESSION has me in a funk, comparison.
Checking Myself in the Mirror
It started with worrying that I was holding back the other morning runners. No matter how hard I tried to tell myself that this was an awesome moment for me [to be able to run “with” my boss, our CEO, and others from the company], I just got down on myself for making them shuffle through the runs. Maybe someday I will feel fast enough to run with a group, but even cutting 45 seconds off my time from Saturday to Wednesday didn’t push out those voices.
Then there were the group photos where [omg] my [big] white arms made an appearance. No one else has bingo arms, do they? Or if they do, they know better than to “show them off”.
Even getting a smaller than I am used to t-shirt and sweater didn’t even change my mind. I saw myself as a blob!
It’s More Than Just Looks
Not to be all woe is me, but I got some blog related news today that made me just want to quit this whole blogging thing. It made me want to stop using my voice.
I’d been given advice about how easy it was to do something and then after two weeks of anticipating the end result, I got my news. I started to compare numbers that I can see (Twitter, Insatagram) and wonder why them and not me. I wanted to throw in the towel and never try for opportunities again. Because…comparison.
May 2020 Becky checking in here — that “thing” that I was disappointed in not getting chosen for? NO CLUE what it was but clearly it doesn’t matter now. See how quickly things can change?
Falling Victim and Being the Culprit
You’re starting to get it, right? I was falling victim to comparison and it hurt. Heck, it still hurts…
But you know, I’m sure I send others in comparison spirals unintentionally. And that’s the thing…I can’t feel guilty. We are responsible for our joy and comparison is the thief of it. God made us all unique with different running paces (or the desire NOT to run), skin colors and the size of the skin that holds our greatness, and skills. I’m working on trying to embrace my differences in the same way I cherish others.
Call It Quits
I’ve got to figure out my way to deal and start to turn my ship around. Will you help me by not comparing yourself today?
May 2020 Becky checking in here again. This post was written just about a week after our baptism, a step in faith. Even so soon after that powerful event, I wasn’t calling it quits on the sin of comparison. I’m still working on it, but reading back over this post I’m so grateful for grace and change.
Looking for a book to help you quit the comparison trap? In 2020 I dove into a study of “You Are the Girl for the Job” and I highly suggest you give this book a read. Available on Amazon and other book sellers.