I’m trying to get my bearings following a week “away” in my city for work. All the plans were there for me to rest and read during downtime but I am a relationship builder and couldn’t make the time I needed for me. Unfortunately, that started to spiral into something that MOMFESSION has me in a funk, comparison.
It started with worrying that I was holding back the other morning runners. No matter how hard I tried to tell myself that this was an awesome moment for me [to be able to run “with” my boss, our CEO, and others from the company], I just got down on myself for making them shuffle through the runs. Maybe someday I will feel fast enough to run with a group, but even cutting 45 seconds off my time from Saturday to Wednesday didn’t push out those voices.
Then there were the photos where [omg] my [big] white arms made an appearance. No one else has bingo arms, do they? Or if they do, they know better than to “show them off”. Yeah, getting a smaller than I am used to t shirt and sweater didn’t even change my mind. I saw myself as a blob!
Not to be all woe is me, but I got some blog related news today that made me just want to quit this whole thing. I’d been given advice about how easy it was to do something and then after two weeks of anticipating the end result, I got my news. I started to compare numbers that I can see (Twitter, Insatagram) and wonder why them and not me. I wanted to throw in the towel and never try for opportunities again. Because…comparison.
You’re starting to get it, right? I was falling victim to comparison and it hurt. Heck, it still hurts…
But you know, I’m sure I send others in comparison spirals unintentionally. And that’s the thing…I can’t feel guilty. We are responsible for our joy and comparison is the thief of it. God made us all unique with different running paces (or the desire NOT to run), skin colors and the size of the skin that holds our greatness, and skills. I’m working on trying to embrace my differences in the same way I cherish others.
I’ve got to figure out my way to deal and start to turn my ship around. Will you help me by not comparing yourself today?